Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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