we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
