Don't make out with my wife yet
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
