Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
