Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
