No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
