hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
