fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
