have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
