the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
