i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
