At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
