I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
