she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
