I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She bit a glass in half.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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