last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
