If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
