Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
