Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
