I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize