I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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