nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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