that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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