Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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