Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
