why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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