What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We don't watch enough power rangers
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
