Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
