forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
