Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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