WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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