we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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