I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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