Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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