I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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