I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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