we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
