There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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