we have officially lost it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
