He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
