i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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