I'm jealous of your bromance
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
