Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My first STD was from a foam party
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
