I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I've blown a few things in my day
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
