make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Mom said you looked used
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
