Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
