besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
