I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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