how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
