You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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