but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
