did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
